the things that go with being Santa....

Hey, do you believe in Santa Claus? I know, there are a few doubters out there. First thing I must do today is check my list (yes, there is a list) and I'll check it twice. I do a much better job than George W. did with his boys at NSA, I check my list twice. Anyway, with the Chinese toy problem (hey, I had to use China to produce so many toys on my limited budget, thanks to the falling dollar) is giving me a migraine and with the high deductibles and co-pays I can't seem to afford good health care. That's an idea, affordable helathcare for all. I'm not going to buy any toys that will harm the boys and girls, so if you get one of those recalled Chinese toys, it didn't come from me. Speaking of health, there are those who say I need to project a healthier image, no fat jolly Santa, but a new Santa, with six pack abs and a real bounce in his step. To those I give a lump of coal. Then there was the controversy about the 'Ho, ho, ho'. Some thought I might be doing an imitation of Don Imus.. sorry, I've been around a lot long then that old man. I was around long before Snoop Dogg started using the word to describe his sisters working the streets and the clubs, you know what I mean. Then there is the thing about coal. I've distributed thousands of tons of coal through out the world. Did I cause an energy crisis as the result? Did I propose a coal fired plant in your backyard? No, I knew coal was something bad, that is why I gave it to all the bad little boys and girls in lieu of a present. That list... some of the retailers want my list. They've tried bribes, hacking the servers, and have sent spies to check my security. I have friends, just look at my fiends list. Of course I hide the names of the many millions who I have on the list, for their own protection. Well it is getting late and I have to be in top shape to do my 'round the world' tour. I have a ton of coal for Washington D.C., especially Capitol Hill and 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Would anyone know where Dick is hiding right now? I have a whole shi_loads of coal for him and his energy policy. Kudos to Al Gore, Al Franken, Barrak Obama, Oprah, Christopher Dodd, and many more too numerous to mention who stand for Liberty, the Constitution, and Change. Dennis Kucinich. haven't forgotten you. You have the goodness to want to correct the ills by impeaching those who are from the dark side. Well, back to my workshop, it is going to be a long day and night for me and those helpful little elves. By the way, you can do something for me. Instead of coolies and milk, make someone's day a bit brighter. Feed the homeless, volunteer to help the elderly or poor, donate your old items to a charity that will help others. Take those old cell phones and donate them to programs that help battered and abused women. Donate your old eye glasses to the Lions Club for the less fortunate to see. Install a few more low energy compact fluorescent lights. Do something for the planet we live on. Work for peace (I don't like having to visit war zones). Be happy, make merry, spread good cheer. Ho, ho, ho... and good night children.

The day before...

A long drive, a pleasant stop at  good friend's place. Thank you 

kyburg

 and

unclejimbo