to the future...

I care about people. As for the future, I cannot predict it and I take it one day at a time, I really care about the human condition. I have used the focus of being involved in the community to give me a bit of direction, Yes, I still consider myself a caregiver. Yes it was a large part of my life for over a decade. Every action I did during that time was directly influenced by that, My aging has not been easy. One concern for me is that there is something going on within me that has me spilling protein in my urine. Also my kidney function is about 85%, Lupus operates at a low level even after all these years. I'm haunted by a brain that remembers minute detail as far back as when I was 4 years old. I retain a lot, I have no reason to forget it. I have had times in my life when I have had dreams, that is what I see as future thinking. I've also had a lot of those dreams shattered by events beyond my control. There isn't much I could not do if I put m mind to it. The last time I did a check (back in the 90's) my IQ was somewhere above 130. I find that is only one part of a persons ability. For me to tackle something I have to be motivated, That is hard at times. I have always had a lifelong battle with depression. I even worked on it with a psychologist when I was first in the VA. I can recognize when it hits and I spend time working through it. I've always believed that your past shapes you as a person. It gives you experience and or lets you find your weaknesses so as you go through life you can keep going. I agree I may be floundering now without a focus, but I'm exploring things to try to regain that. Lately depression comes from seeing mankind self destruct without even being aware that it is. I "see" things and have grown to understand that some people do not want to know that things are changing. I hope this gives some insight, or at least leads to further discussion. One of the problems society has is it fails to look back and seems to make the same mistakes and doesn't understand why. Maybe if more people looked back they could take that step into the future with the confidence that they were not going to make the same mistakes as previous generations. I've always had a fault in that I tend to try to save people from themselves. What I saw in you was a woman who didn't need help, who had her act togrther, and was a lifelong learner. You were a refreshing change from my previous relationships. As for me, I am trying to change me. Some things may change but not all. I am not the active young man I was, I'm old, I know it. Sometimes my body tells me, sometimes I fail to get the message, Growing old is not without regrets. I'm dealing with those.